"oh, last night we were street contacting a lady was walking our way so i was like hola senora como esta, she kind of kept walking so i said ¿a donde va? thinking that that was ok... my companion told me that means ¿where you goin, wanna come with me instead...? and it was dark... haha my first nasty mess up with the language. but that at least explained the look she gave me haha. bad bad."
Almost 21 years ago I went into labor with my oldest child- a girl-Megan. As I lay in the hospital bed I remember thinking- this is a breeze! Not long after that I was in complete life changing shock. I had NO IDEA it was going to be that hard. I remember staying up all night crying while Brett & Megan slept. I felt sorry for myself & for her. My hopes of having a large family were completely shattered. She would be an only child. I was NEVER doing that again. That's the only way I can compare sending off a missionary right now. I am completely shocked at my reaction. I had NO idea how hard it would be. I had NO idea how great the rewards would be. I must be so nieve, I feel so stupid."i feel the love of my savior. i love teaching his gospel. the most powerful things to teach out here are the first vision and restoration and the atonement of our savior jesus christ. he loves us more than we can ever comprehend and the little stuggles and things that we go through are not in vain. he has felt every little tiny pain we have ever had and we should feel so comforted for that. i know that he is with me. he leads me and guides me to do and say what his brothers and sisters need to here. i love reading the book of mormon, the true word of our father in heaven. it has such power. today i read in doctrine and covenants in a part where christ tesifies of himself! its so true! none of my doubts and questions matter when im feeling the spirit and i feel it alot here. i know that he lives, that he loves us and is with us. i know that joseph smith was and is a prophet of god. with president hinckley, we got a call early this morning during study and they told us. i know that he is in the next life, in a better place. im sure the reception for him there was fantastic and i know that he can kneel before our lord and have his life accepted for his service. i pray for each of you by name, every day. i know that the spirit is with you."
I knew he should go, I never pushed him but knew he would do great & be happy serving. He has a love of people, of Christ. A real testimony of this gospel that is so much of his upbringing and our lives, and so do I. But he is my baby. A friend of mine told me- the sooner you put him in the Lord's hands the better off you'll be. I know she's right, but I just can't let go.
"we went to visit this really old man at his house. he has no hands, only a pinky on one. he actually isnt an investigator or a member but we like to visit him. we were in his house and i was really tired and my comp asked if we could sing a hymn for him. my comp had me choose and i chose ¨abide with me tis eventide¨ which is equally beautiful in spanish and we sang that for him. instantly i had the spirit chills all over my body, it was so strong, i loved it!"
Motherhood. It is such a priveledge & trial. What made me think I could ever be a mother especially to so many children? I am so proud to be a missionary's mom. I am happy he is living his dream. I guess I am living mine too.
"it gets hard. but this is so important. i cant let these people miss out on their chance to hear the message of our savior jesus christ and his church on the earth.i love you all so much."
5 comments:
beautiful comments, patsy! i love how you've incorporated brian's words with yours.
we episcopalians just don't have this, we don't have this platform for sending our sons (or daughters) out into the world to serve. oh, we teach them right from wrong. we teach them bible stories. we teach them to be thankful.
i'm sure through the moments of joyful tears, sorrowful tears, and sniffling in sam's club tears, you must have many moments to be proud of your son, of all of your sons and daughters. thanks, again, for being so *open* and sharing this experience with us.
Patsy, this is the sweetest post. I enjoyed reading your sons words incorporated with yours. The love that you have for him comes thru your words.
Everytime you send a child out, whether it's on a mission or married, it feels like you lose a part of yourself. Remember when I told you I missed you kids when you were little? We had so much fun. I did anyway. Those were my happiest memories of being a mom. I had to learn to let you all go. It was hard because that was what I knew and liked. Now I'm use to you all being gone and I like my life now. I had to find something to do. My art was one and genealogy was another. Now there's just me and dad and we just hang out and do our own things and do things together. It's great to go visit the kids but it's good to get home. Love ya, Mom
Pasty great blog today...it makes me sad too because I know it will be the same for me when Micah goes on a mission. I don't know what to tell you to make you feel better, but I loved what your mom wrote, she seems really neat.
Don't worry about the wallet or I.D. if I learned one thing from working for the airlines its that he can still come home with or with a drivers license. Don't they make them leave thier passports at the mission office? He will make it and so will you.
I don't know what to say, but this post reminds me of this quote by Elizabeth Stone.
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
It sounds like your heart is taking a beating.
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