Christmas Eve 2013

 Christmas Even means Hoagies & Floats at our house!

Then... we open one surprise present that always pajamas.

My family where ever they are- eat hoagies & floats on Christmas Eve.

Working so much this year- I was extra happy not to be making a huge dinner. 

Great tradition- mom!

Finn & Crew opened one present too- and it was so fun!

So fun to have babies here on Christmas Eve!!

They like to play with tissues- heck who needs presents when you are this cute!?

scenes from our Christmas dinner 2013

Not all of us could get together on Christmas Eve or Christmas day-

So we met up last Sunday for a Christmas dinner & gift exchange for the kiddos.

Making gingerbread cookies-

What the boys like to do most at our house- 

Trent drew Laura's name. 

He painted her name on a block of wood that he cut out - out in the garage, "his workshop."

She is a keeper & was so kind- while the boys were happy Trent didn't draw one of their names-- real family, that's what we are.

Chloe had Hailey's name & found a piece of pottery by a local artist with a chicken on it- Hailey loves all things chicken & it was perfect for her. She even started to tear up- one of my favorite parts of Christmas this year.

Hailey had Jack & even though she ordered a gift for him weeks ago

an email came earlier in the week saying it was not going to be here on time.

She printed a picture of the gift-

HIlarious & perfect for him!

-the gift can be found here-

Now he can cuddle inside & outside with his malaria.

It was really fun to see what the kids had picked out for each other.

Plus-- the cousins did some exchanging too.

Gosh- we are so lucky to have the Brittany's, Marcus & kids so close!

Marcus will be graduating from BYU Law School in 2014 so we may not be so lucky next year.

These two cuties are growing everyday-

For some reason I again didn't get many photos!?

When will I learn?

It was a wonderful Christmas-

More Christmas at the Messer's house to come.

Christmas season 2013

This year for me-

Christmas meant extra hours at work.

Which frankly I was very grateful for.

Still- I have deep regrets for not getting my education. 

My constant lecture to my two sweet girls at home: get an education!

Education is power- it's freedom.

Freedom to choose what you want to do with your time.

Don't get me wrong- I LOVE my job- I really do!

I just don't love the pay- and I am not free to choose what I would like to do.

I know there are always exceptions, etc. But the facts are the facts & women need an education.

Apologies to my dear parents who offered it to me and... I didn't take the opportunity.

now I am old with too much responsibility to go back to school - women need something to fall back on- I wish I had more legitimate skills.

end of the lecture- feel free to move on

I set up a hot cocoa bar- thank you pinterest-

just after Thanksgiving.

It's so pretty under the microwave I think I will leave it up all winter.

I honestly don't drink hot cocoa- don't like it- but the kids do and I love this display.

I love our Christmas tree- I love that Chloe & Trent put most of the decorations on with Jack, Cory & Hailey. It was so much fun & I didn't take pictures of people putting on the decorations... oh my goodness. 

At work we started a Cooking With Kids series & it has been VERY successful.

I have been teaching it once a month on Saturday mornings- corporate had this big idea to do the same thing every Saturday in November- so we jumped on board of course. It was really fun. Then in December we decorated cookies & gingerbread houses. We have a pretty good following now. I gotta say- it's so fun when the kids run up & hug me. My own at home Cooking with Kids classes start up again next week. I have a full - cooking with kids schedule! I'm always looking for ideas for things- parents want kids to know- so feel free to comment with suggestions.

The down side- I am always wishing I was at home doing this with my own kids & grand kids...

I just can't seem to find balance right now.

I love snow in winter.

It's been so pretty here!

Our chickens our surviving since Brett digs them out & makes them a walk way. 

They are down to only producing one egg a day- one egg between the two of them?

Don't really know why & I haven't made it a priority to figure it out.

We continue on with medical tests AKA: waste of money- no one knows what to do for him-- for Jack. warning: DO NOT SEND ME SUGGESTIONS.

 I am up to my throat and about to drown in them-

thank you very much.

 We are working it out- not really- but we are trying- do not send me your ideas or give my number anonymously to anyone. Sorry but really- it's that bad. I don't want to know what super healing power you got from eating chicken soup or oil pulling. I hope all those things are successful for you -I really do- and I am not opposed to nontraditional medical ideas- I am opposed to getting them from people at this point. Truthfully- I swear- SWEAR - I've heard it all.

Jack & I on this day went in for a hydrogen breath test & MRI for his migraines. 

He is on leave from work & misses classes on a regular basis now. Thank goodness for understanding & wonderful professors. AND- it's not that bad because he got all A's

ALL A'S ON HIS FINALS!!

this kid- gotta love him- or be amazed

What I do love to hear from people- is that they are praying for him & for us to figure it out.

I know that prayer will probably be the key to this. 

Grateful for a loving Heavenly Father & for this Christmas Season.

More on Christmas to come.

thanksgiving 2013

We had such a wonderful Thanksgiving this year.

It was the first time I can remember

in a long time....

We had all of our children home.

Now that is something grand to be thankful for!

Biggest bird I've ever roasted- 26lbs.

I got almost no pictures....

OH THE HUMANITY!

I need a designated photographer in the family!! 

My nieces Aimee, Brittany & nephew Marcus & their families were here.

And our lovely friends the Moores.

Frankly- I was ticked off  for a wee bit of the day

because this turkey right here was over cooked & dry.

Hell bells - I teach how to cook turkeys!

I KNOW HOW TO MAKE AN INCREDIBLE MOIST TURKEY

But I got distracted & over cooked it by----- a lot.

oh well- that's what gravy is for, right Wende?

There is always Christmas-

I have another (14 pounder this time)

in the freezer.

(charlie keeping the twins happy- rocking them before they headed to the car)

It was such a joy to have a house full of family & to be so comfortable at home.

I feel so blessed to have learned so much this past year.

(Hey- not that I ever want one of my children to go through something this hard ever again) 

Truly it is a good life & we are a strong family.

My favorite things I don't want to forget this year about Thanksgiving:

*Joey falling asleep on Chloe's lap.

*Having Cole categorize me as a Pig- It's a long story, but Pig is a compliment.

*All the amazing pies!

*Delegating everything out so that I wasn't too busy- smart!

*Brett always helping me with the brining of the turkey - he's got skills

*painting nails afterward with Allie

*It was a warm day & the kids got to walk over & play at the park.

*having 3 babies here in high chairs!

*having Megan home- it's been so long

*watching Home Alone- our yearly tradition with Wende & Allie- the only two who stayed for it.

*Not having to work Black Friday

*the teens playing games in the basement

*Tony helping me make the mashed potatoes! HE's a keeper!!

*happy everyone is mostly healthy- not out of the country- not out of the state- and not in the hospital.

part two

Christmas came & went- 

The ticking got a little better, but the depression grew worse.

Chloe couldn't go back to school like that & started doing some school from home with help from a liaison sent from the High School. Just after that we met with her tourette/OCD specialist, who confirmed it was time- time to admit Chloe into an adolescent, psychiatric ward. She had made plans.

 Plans to end it all. 

We took her straight over- and it was one of the most difficult experiences of my life.

 Before Thanksgiving- I had started a big project. 

Turning Hailey's room into a guest room.

Come winter- it was not getting done with everything else going on.

So- these two sweet friends came over one day & just like that- the bedroom was painted. 

The world is FULL of wonderful people!

I am lucky because I know a lot of them.

Words cannot express my relief to get this done. 

It's was a very long winter.

Chloe was in & out of the hospital - then started going to school there in an outpatient program.

Did you know that if a person gets extremely depressed they can have psychotic symptoms?

I didn't know that either. I was learning so many things I never thought I would ever need to know.

It was like the Chloe I knew- had left her body & a different Chloe entered in.

She had body dis-morphia & hated herself intensely. 

She was self harming & we learned that she had OCD symptoms for years.

Like- her room was always clean!
She never went to bed without reading her scriptures- and would have intense guilt if she did.
She liked to organize the refrigerator & pantry.
 Whenever anyone was sick she would clean the door knobs & wipe down the light switches.
She also hid Lysol spray & disinfectant wipes under her bed.
She counted things- everything.
She memorized license plates- knows to this day every plate in the neighborhood.
it goes on & on
We learned more & more- like when she was quite- or not engaged in conversations, she was counting.

I think it started out that she enjoyed doing those things & liked feeling helpful- then she was compelled to do it  couldn't keep up with it all. 

there was so much going on in her little brain.
She could not keep up with it all.
She went in & out of the hospital unit.
The doctors, nurses, social workers, psych techs, therapists, they were so good!
So very very good to us!
Still- I felt judged- like it was all my fault. I had failed. FAiled completely.
I wanted to scream out everyday as I entered the unit- I AM NOT A BAD PERSON!
I AM NOT A BAD MOTHER! But frankly I didn't know if that was true.
Worst of all I got phone calls- 2 terrible phone calls.
One from a well meaning family member-
one from a stranger who refused to tell me how she knew about our family-
 offering cures.
Special medications, drinks etc. that the happened to sell.
Things that would stop inflammation (their so called cause of depression- which may be true? How would I know?) One person even had a cure for me that had- "cured people with Down's Syndrome." Of course these cures come at hefty prices & we were spending all our money in the "wrong place."
I was told by both people- if I was a good mother I would try it.
A good mother would try anything, right?
WEll- she was on a lot of meds- I wasn't about to risk crossing the drugs she was already on with something not even approved by the FDA. It was too risky for me - I refused them.
they both got angry- really angry
It made me angry-
I felt like they were trying to take advantage of our sad situation.
 I felt & still feel sorry for the desperate people who fall for this crap.
It's been a year now & the family member (my sister) still won't speak to me.
It hurt & it still hurts.
I still think about it almost every single day.
Then- I try to remember the kind people who consistently help & offer encouragement.
REally-
WhY-- WHY is it we (I) let those few negative experiences take over all the good?
There are so many levels to this story.