a birthday post-

Last week was my 47th birthday!

I hate to be all downer about it....

but I am kind of a big fat baby when it comes to my birthday.

I anticipate it for at least a week, usually longer.

 I get all weepy & start feeling sorry for myself. 

Next- I wonder why I am alive in the first place & if anyone loves me or ever has?

I imagine the worst possible thing happening... nobody remembering me.

 I contemplate it for days & wonder if I should go away on a trip so I won't be so disappointed and

 regret all of my life choices thus far.... 

I really do all of this.

every. year.

I feel so bad for my sweet husband.

 He has to live through this year- after year- after year.

It's ridiculous- I'm not proud- It's ugly- I'm starting therapy next month

(just keepin' it real.)

Maybe by now you have guessed that I have had a few rough birthdays?

WELL NOt This YEAR BabY!

Balloons on my mailbox- who did that?

 I want to kiss your face.

 I cried.

My mom called me first thing in the morning & let me pick out two books on Amazon that she sent out that day. I love them- they are here. Thanks mom. I love that you did that.

Karen & I went to lunch- I picked this place & it was wonderful & I love Karen.

 Thank you so much!

I came home to a present in the mail!

 Jill- you amaze me with your thoughtfulness & creativity!

Thank you!

Lisa left this on my doorstep & she didn't even have to do that?!

The "blogger moms" are having a real birthday party for me this week-

 lots of them were out of town last week.

Then- I was so lucky to get to meet up with ALL OF THESE CUTIES for a dinner I didn't even make!

I LOVED MY BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR

Pre-dinner show of cuteness brought to you by:

Joey & Finn above- Charlie & Crew below

Peter was just plain cute. period.

We ate at probably my favorite place to eat downtown.

Did I mention it was such a great day?

 I even had help blowing out the candle on my dessert!

After dinner the kids & Brett were so great to give me all of these thoughtful gifts.

Tears, more tears-- such very thoughtful gifts- really.

The kids made a list of 47 things they love about mom...

 I read it out loud. 

Brett made me a list of the: Top Ten Reasons He is Glad He Married me

The kids read them out loud.

And I needed it.

I really did.

It's been a hard year of doubt, worry, weight gain, wondering if it is all my fault, asking myself over & over & over if I was good enough? If any of my life was good enough? 

I don't write this for you to feel sad for me or even to prove that I'm a brat

 - because really my life is awesome-

 or for people to leave comments.

I just want anyone out there who is reading (especially my future self & children) that

 sometimes life is just hard like that.

 And- sometimes it stays hard for a good long while,

 so you press on, and on, then wonder if it's worth it? 

And the answer is:

YES

It is worth it

I am worth it and so are YOU.

2 days 2 celebrate

Last week was my 46th birthday!

side note:

With all the hard things (is there ever easy things?) 

going on this past year I have completely failed my New Year's Resolution of sending out birthday cards to everyone I love.... excuses, excuses.

 But- let me just say Happy Birthday to my fellow July born friends.

Jane (we share the same birthday), My sister Johnna, Jake the missionary, Jill, Sky, Steph my oldest friend, Lynnie my SIL, Braden & Sarah- Ruthie's kids, and my dear Caroline-- Did I forget you? Leave me a message & I will repent immediately. Yes- next year I will try again.

I was very blessed by getting to celebrate on 2 separate days! But I am also very cursed with terrible pictures. I didn't document the time well.... to say the least. It's ridiculous the pictures I didn't take. 

So please forgive me (older self) as I share this special occasion with lousy photos. Hopefully the journaling itself- will make up for it?

Celebration #1- has nothing much to do with Twinkies- I was in the store & saw them on my birthday though- so thanks Hostess. I appreciate that.

What a HUGE treat- all of my kids- ALL OF THEM- were together with me to celebrate the day before my birthday! I can't even think of the last time that happened? It was a Sunday so it worked out that everyone could be there. We all met up at Megan's new home for lunch after (most of us) went to church with Chloe.

We had fun times playing with the twins.

Chloe hasn't seen the twins for almost 2 months and they have grown tremendously since then!

Brittany came down too- life just doesn't seem right now if Brittany's not around.

Charlie & Joey are so happy to have all their things unpacked-

Charlie especially loves the costumes. Oh it cracks me up!

He changes about every 15 minutes from tiger, to pirate, to monkey... so fun.

We had beef tacos for dinner with guacamole & watermelon. 

It was fabulous.

(sorry about the eating pictures guys)

Then we had chocolate fondue!

YUM

It is really fun and exciting to have all of my kids close enough to get together as a family!

We are starting to plan- once month Sunday dinners & I am thrilled about it. 

Surely we will get together more than that? But as schedules start to fill with Fall coming- I know we will at least have a once a month dinner at Nana's house- I could not ask for a better birthday present than that.

It is truly the greatest gift I have ever been given- to have six beautiful children and to have them close enough to get together as adults, with their amazing families. I try not to gush around here on this blog too much. I think I keep it real most of the time... But really even though we have our share of problems & issues that are difficult... and most of the time I feel like there is nothing to brag about...

 We are going to be getting together for dinner at least once a month and for me that = happiness.

***

Celebration #2

Everyone knows- I am lucky to have this group of friends that get together most Wednesdays. 

We also get together & celebrate each other's birthdays. On the actual day- That's a big thing for us. When possible we get together on the. actual. birth. day. It means something.

OH MY GOSH-

it was so great- 

just so fun.

Did I mention, it was great to get together with my sweet friends on my birthday?

 Cause it was.

We had salads & fresh corn (picked THAT morning) for lunch!

and dessert!

I have to say- I think this was the best dessert I've ever had on my birthday.

Actually it was the best meal overall I've ever had on my actual birthday.

 Thanks everyone for all the good food & presents!

They planned my lunch party around a red, white, and blue theme because of my love for the 4th of July & it's July... it was so fun! All of the many presents were coordinating- ladies you guys are amazing!

I am especially loving this gigantic chalk board I hung on the laundry room door.

Trent & I are having fun switching up decorating it with chalk.

That night-

Brett brought home balloons & pizza.

It's pretty quiet around here now.

Brett & Trent had other plans, mostly work 

so Brittany & I headed to a new store at Farmington Station that I am in LOVE with.

It's Sugar

What a fun place.

I was in heaven, yet overwhelmed at the same time-

Kind of like one of those candy stores in NYC.

Just fun to be in!

It was a GREAT couple of days.

I'm happy to have the privilege to be one year older.

And do have so many candy options so close.

(wink - wink)

girls camp 2012

This year I was so lucky to be the girl's camp director for our ward.

It wasn't too big of a job...

It was stake camp. Our stake did such an amazing job organizing & preparing

 that they made my job a cinch!

I was really thrilled for the calling- I LOVED girl's camp as a youth- PLUS my two girls would be there- bonus.

The first night was just for Jr. leaders (girls 16-18) but I went up anyway- to prepare.

Our campsite was great. Close to the bathrooms & shady. The Jr. leaders in my group (again, my girls included) helped me decorate our site.

When we were getting ready to go to the ampa theater for devotional - a doe wandered into our camp!

She was SO CLOSE!

Like- 8-10 feet away. A beauty! 

She was so close we could see the markings on her face. Lovely

After devotional- the stake cooks had dessert for us.

OH MY GOSH

I knew it was going to be incredible... 

My darling friend Janae was the chairperson over food.

She & her committee had put together a fondue bar.

Chocolate, Peanut Butter, & S'More fondues with a multitude of dippers.

It was as good as it looks.

The stake theme for camp was:

I Know Therefore I Shine

The emphasis was on Knowing that God & Jesus Christ live. 

That they love us & that we love them.

It was a beautiful theme- it was a wonderful camp.

One day while walking back from the bowery where we ate breakfast I came across this little set up.

wow!

A hammock, lounge chairs & foot soaking pool!

I texted a picture to the boys with the caption-- I bet you don't see this at Scout Camp!?

We practiced our skit- so funny & cute.

Worked on crafts.

We had secret sisters & mail boxes for good mail.

We ate fabulous food.

It was Hot & Dry- but the girls were a dream.

It was so fun.

Months ago- Karen & I (my dear friend Karen was my assistant leader & cook- I know- LUCKY!) asked the girls what they wanted from camp. We had them fill out surveys etc. It was interesting to know that they really wanted to camp. They wanted to really do it themselves. So- we got working on it & taught them how to set up tents (with the help of our husbands), make fires, etc weeks ahead of time. They all brought mess kits- NO PAPER plates. Everyone did their own dishes & hung them to dry in the trees in mesh laundry bags. 

We didn't have one complainer. I was just a little worried that when it came down to it-- that they may not want to do it. (In years past men came up & put up tents etc.) But they came through. They did it all- didn't complain & heck-- they did a GREAT job! These are awesome girls.

{Caroline & Chloe}

One of my favorite things that happened at camp was when the stake leaders challenged the girls to give all of us ward leaders facials- so crazy fun... did I mention it was hot & dry & dirty?

The girls went to work & loved it- then they gave facials to each other.

I tell you what- it felt great.
***

I braided lots of hair--

and taught the girls about Gratitude one afternoon.

We wrote in journals, had a water fight, performed skits, sang songs, hiked, ate fabulous food, looked at the stars (we found the big & little dippers!)

We did random acts of kindness - some girls even cleaned the out houses when it was our turn- incredible.

How fun is that!?

I feel so lucky- I got to go to girl's camp.

wow