a birthday post-

Last week was my 47th birthday!

I hate to be all downer about it....

but I am kind of a big fat baby when it comes to my birthday.

I anticipate it for at least a week, usually longer.

 I get all weepy & start feeling sorry for myself. 

Next- I wonder why I am alive in the first place & if anyone loves me or ever has?

I imagine the worst possible thing happening... nobody remembering me.

 I contemplate it for days & wonder if I should go away on a trip so I won't be so disappointed and

 regret all of my life choices thus far.... 

I really do all of this.

every. year.

I feel so bad for my sweet husband.

 He has to live through this year- after year- after year.

It's ridiculous- I'm not proud- It's ugly- I'm starting therapy next month

(just keepin' it real.)

Maybe by now you have guessed that I have had a few rough birthdays?

WELL NOt This YEAR BabY!

Balloons on my mailbox- who did that?

 I want to kiss your face.

 I cried.

My mom called me first thing in the morning & let me pick out two books on Amazon that she sent out that day. I love them- they are here. Thanks mom. I love that you did that.

Karen & I went to lunch- I picked this place & it was wonderful & I love Karen.

 Thank you so much!

I came home to a present in the mail!

 Jill- you amaze me with your thoughtfulness & creativity!

Thank you!

Lisa left this on my doorstep & she didn't even have to do that?!

The "blogger moms" are having a real birthday party for me this week-

 lots of them were out of town last week.

Then- I was so lucky to get to meet up with ALL OF THESE CUTIES for a dinner I didn't even make!

I LOVED MY BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR

Pre-dinner show of cuteness brought to you by:

Joey & Finn above- Charlie & Crew below

Peter was just plain cute. period.

We ate at probably my favorite place to eat downtown.

Did I mention it was such a great day?

 I even had help blowing out the candle on my dessert!

After dinner the kids & Brett were so great to give me all of these thoughtful gifts.

Tears, more tears-- such very thoughtful gifts- really.

The kids made a list of 47 things they love about mom...

 I read it out loud. 

Brett made me a list of the: Top Ten Reasons He is Glad He Married me

The kids read them out loud.

And I needed it.

I really did.

It's been a hard year of doubt, worry, weight gain, wondering if it is all my fault, asking myself over & over & over if I was good enough? If any of my life was good enough? 

I don't write this for you to feel sad for me or even to prove that I'm a brat

 - because really my life is awesome-

 or for people to leave comments.

I just want anyone out there who is reading (especially my future self & children) that

 sometimes life is just hard like that.

 And- sometimes it stays hard for a good long while,

 so you press on, and on, then wonder if it's worth it? 

And the answer is:

YES

It is worth it

I am worth it and so are YOU.

a birthday at the coast

In honor of Ukaih's birthday-

Lucky 7 years old...

we headed out the door of the hotel across the street to this cute little indoor place to ride some rides!

What more could you ask for when you're seven?

Last time I found myself on the tilt a hurl whirl--

I had a major minor panic attack.

I don't do spinning in circles.

I'm just a load of fun at amusement parks.

 I don't know what happened to me? I'm just old I guess.... I used to love rides?? 

After this & a couple of rounds of miniature golf we had salt water taffy & took in the local tourist shops.

fun.

green- it's everywhere here

such a nice chance from the desert of Utah.

Johnny 

He's all big now- walking around town & everything.

What a cutie!

 

Ukiah was completely shocked when a cake mysteriously showed up at his Grandma's hotel room.

They had told him since he was having a birthday party when he got home... he probably wouldn't need a cake on his actual birthday.

Such teasers.

Is he a sweet heart or what?

A conversation overheard in the car:

Ukiah: I just can't believe the tooth fairy found me! Even when I was on vacation she knew where I was!!

Trent: Ya- it's kind of like Santa Clause. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake.

(pausing to think)

Trent: In fact it kind of gives me the creeps when I really think about it.

The view from our room- opposite from the beach.

Beautiful, I know.

That yellow house is a bed & breakfast.

dreamy

45

On July 15

I turned 45.

~weird~

There was A Lot of celebrating!

While Brett & Trent were still at camp- the rest of us went to dinner at one of my favorites- The Desert Edge  in Trolley Square.

I went to lunch with the blogger moms on the 16th- Loads & loads... and LOADS of GREAT presents- 

OH MY GOSH IT WAS so much fun. I am almost excited for school to start up again so we can start meeting on a regular basis- again! Man I miss those guys....

I also went to lunch on the 17th with my dear friend- Karen. She gave me the most perfect present & I can't wait to show you that soon - so funny- she knows me so well.

Lunch & Friends- what more can a girls ask for?

WEll- dinner with the fam of course!?

We had some of my favorite foods & 

CAKE

Sweet WEnde brought me this cake the day before my birthday (my birthday was on a Sunday) from one of my many favorite bakeries- Gourmandise!

YES

it tasted as good as it looks

 This year I felt loved on my birthday.

That's huge & a very big deal for me.

Thank you so much to so many of you people out there - who did that.

It's an issue- my birthday & me.

 I think, the older I get- the better I'm getting about it though? I think? This year was great. 

NOw- an apology. I love sending birthday mail. I usually am so good at it. This year & most of last I just dropped off. NO excuses- just life got in the way & I want to do better.

Thank you for loving me on my birthday- even when I forget (I never forget I just didn't acknowledge) yours.

It's a good life.

 (p.s. we just got back last night from a week long vacation on the Oregon Coast- can't wait to get it blogged!)

crabby

I'm seriously having a bad day....
so bad that-
I walked around Target for an hour hoping to snap out of it-
then came home to the dogs rooting through the kitchen garbage.

so bad that-
after that I ate 3 ding dongs.
WhY did I have ding dongs in the house? They were for the missionary of course- his favorite. Trying to be a nice mom gets me into so much trouble.

so bad that-
I begged the other scout leaders to take my boys today with them caroling because I just knew I couldn't handle it today. They of course came caroling to my house... I gave them all a ding dong.

so bad that-
I have the dreaded company Christmas dinner tonight .... holy hell I hate this stupid annual dinner. Which translates into hours of stewing over what to wear & misery. Two years ago was a disaster- last year, worse- this year...
let's just hope brett has a job on Monday.

It's just one of those days

what a great weekend!

I've been dying to blog about this past weekend for days now...

but I've been so darn busy I just haven't had the time!

so- I'm staying up late- getting it done- if it kills me....

drama?

I know I know

This past friday afternoon -

some of the blogger mom's got together & headed out of town.

We went to our dear blogger friend kristal's cabin.

do you remember kristal & the elmo cupcakes?

Kristal is "da bomb"- that's teenager - for really awesome.

She is an honorary blogger mom & guess what? she really blogs!

(serious deep conversation-- notice wende's finger pointing)

The blogger moms started because all us moms were on a community council together for our children's elementary school. One day we realized some of us had blogs- the others were curious ... and the rest is history. we had been on the council for over a year & had debated many issues, worked on projects, but weren't really close friends until the blogging started. We have been close ever since. it's funny because we are all so different, each of us brings something different to the group.

(kristy drove- she's got 4 wheel drive & snow was expected!)
I of course, bring car sickness & panic so I got to sit up front on the way.
Yes- I get car sick.
Well not really sick...
I just get really panicky & almost freak out & go crazy if I get stuck in the back of a car...
It's not pretty- but someone has to be the weird one.
I do what I can.

We headed up to Park City to do a little Christmas shopping at the outlet mall.
HOLY MOLY
we bought a lot of stuff!
Typically I am not an outlet mall kind of gal, but the deals were unbelievable!
seriously- I would tell ya about it but that would give away a lot of Christmas surprises. i was sure glad we came- as my Christmas budget will go much further this year- Woo HOoo!
Some grandma lady told wende she was a sexy "B" word while she was trying on boots in a shoe store. First we were in utter shock, then we laughed so hard the rest of the night about it that we nearly peed. Seriously who says that... ? and to a perfect stranger? so funny

AFter shopping- we nearly froze to death - it was 19 degrees!!!! 19 - wow was that cold. We had record high temps in the valley last week so this was a blast of arctic proportions that stung. Luckily we made it to the restaurant without slipping on ice or snow- yes there is ice & snow in Park City.
At dinner Kristal showed us the diagram her dad made up on how to turn on the furnace & fireplaces at the cabin- we had a good laugh - until we got there- we were glad she knew what she was doing getting the heat on!

Then Karrie did an impression of me & my lazy eye in photographs & I tried to get a picture of that but she is a coward-

going anywhere with the blogger mom's is so fun & crazy & we laugh loud & talk loud & then notice everyone is looking at us & we don't care. Well at least I don't.

Kristal's family cabin was gorgeous.

we watched movies late

slept in

ate pumpkin waffles

and candy

and played cards

and worried about the snow storm so we had to leave a little early- dang.

(wende all bundled up & snowed on)

Not all of us, but some of us could only stay one night.

It's a good thing we headed out. The snow was getting pretty thick.

It just doesn't seem like it's time for snow.

but I guess it is.

thank goodness kristy drove!

Even though I was sad to leave the mom's I was Thrilled to get home because it was time for our second concert at the symphony!!!

Bravo Broadway
if you know me- you know how much I love Broadway music.

I was so excited for this concert!

IT was amazing!

the voices & the symphony were fabulous

Three big names were there but my program is downstairs so I will fill their names in later.

The lady on the left - she was in Elphaba in Wicked on Broadway

the guy in the middle was the Phantom

and the lady on the right won a Tony a few years back.

wow

their talent was unbelievable

I had goosebumps & was crying- then goosebumps again...

I bawl like a baby every time I hear Bring Him Home from Le Miserable. It's one of my all time favorite songs & favorite shows. I saw it on the program & pulled out the tissue just in time... especially since my own boy will be coming home

IN FOUR MORE DAYS

oh goodness....

he wrote his last email home & answered the long awaited question:

what do you want for dinner Friday night?

in true Brian fashion he was indecisive... baked potatoes, salad with ranch or maybe burritos or Chinese? there is no chinese or mexican food in chile- definitely rootbeer - he hasn't had rootbeer in two years, brownies & ice cream, homemade rolls.... funny guy.

I have so much to do

so I better get to bed so I can get crackin' in the morning!!

*janae & lauri - we really missed you this weekend it just wasn't the same without you.