This week has been kind of rough for me.
I was fine, truly fine- then I (plus three other mothers)
spoke in church on the subject of
our missionary's.
How is he doing...
and how has our family been blessed having a missionary?
I felt like this was an easy subject-
heaven knows I could go on & on about the missionary.
I wrote some notes for myself & called it good.
Then Sunday morning came & I kind of started getting weepy. I'm not sure why. I am really fine with Brian being gone & I am so happy & proud of him for all the success & growth he is making- I was okay. Let's face it we're on the down hill stretch. He comes home in November, it's all good...? I got dressed- we all got in the car- we went into the chapel-
it started getting worse.
All these memories came flooding back to me.
Him leaving, going to the MTC, Christmas with him gone.... etc.
I started to hold it in-
bit my tongue-
squeezed my thumb
(this thing I do to help me not to cry)
I didn't cry! Not at all!
UNTIL it was my turn to talk, and then
the flood gates opened.
I don't know what happened?I don't remember a word I said? The only thing I remember is at one point turning away from the microphone to catch my breathe because I was crying so hard. I mean so hard- like an ugly Oprah confessional.
That wasn't a very good start to my week.
Afterwords I felt completely humiliated.
I had to go home right after the meeting & kept on crying.
what in the world?
Brett was very perplexed- frankly so was I.
I think the combo of megan moving, jack getting ready for college, brian's away.
I guess I just snapped.
I hope the bishop learned his lesson?
DON'T ASK PREMENSTRUAL, ALMOST PERI-MENAPAUSAL,
MOMS TO SPEAK ON THEIR KIDS IN FRONT OF THEIR PEERS.
You know we have these kids, put our whole lives into them, try to do our best, then we are supposed to just say goodbye. Like this is easy.
Like after 20 years of this we know how to even do anything else.
Ya- I'm proud of my kids
I'm happy they are well & happy
I wouldn't trade what they are doing for anything
HEAVEN KNOWS... I don't want them to come home!
I'm just saying- I miss them.
The good news-
today I put the last sticker on the tall numbers of his sticker 
chart. He comes home in 303 days approximately.
chart. He comes home in 303 days approximately.Ya I know when he comes home he will leave again.
I just want to hug him, talk to him once in a while.
wash his clothes & make him his favorite dinner.
I want him to sit at the end of my bed at midnight & tell me about his date.
I miss him
I miss megan
I don't want jack to go too.
what else can I say
It's been a rough week
8 comments:
Your doing great Sis, keep breathing!!! (and take notes, I will need your good advice... my turn is coming very soon too)
Love ya,
BIG HUGS!!!
My boys still have 3 years before they go, but I kind of understand how you feel. I have cried at every missioary farewell since the day they were born, knowing that they would leave me someday.
Wow I know I hate the ugly cry...it's awful! But I know it wasn't as bad for everyone else listening....sometimes those are the best talks.
You just need to focus on that poster WOW! that makes is look a lot better...I can't believe it!
I read somewhere that if you'll think of biting into an orange peel you won't cry. I tried it and it seemed to work but I wasn't crying that hard.
It is really hard to tell your kids goodbye. It's never the same for mom's. Better for the kids in my case, but I still miss the kids especially I miss them being little. The great thing is grandkids and ggrandkids start coming and it makes it all worth it. Hang in there. You'll make it and you'll love the rest of your life. Dad and I are having fun ourselves. Love ya, PD
You gave an amazing talk on Sunday. Ivan said it was one of the best sacrament meetings he has been to in a long time. I am sorry it was so hard on you. I can't even imagine sending my son on a 2 year mission. Seriously you gave a great talk!
I don't like it when they give you hard subjects to talk about in church. I had to talk about Brooklynn more than once and also had to talk about my Dad right after they both died.....come on! Of course you are going to cry the ugly cry! I don't think men think about how emotional the subjects they can be to women!
You are a good Mom and your kids love you! You are going through what the rest of us will be going through in the next few years.
I'm so sorry you're having a rough, emotionally draining week and that it hit you so unexpectedly. It sounds like a serious case of adult-formula growing pains. Hopefully all the crying will help you get it out of your system.
well bummer, hope the sun has come out and you feel a little happier in your world this week! that's tough and isn't amazing what an emotional mindfield we walk through!
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