Way Off BAlance

I am way off balance. I have so many things to get done. Yesterday I forgot an appointment & one other big thing I had to do. When I start forgetting things I know I am over my limit & way over scheduled.

BALANCE where are you? Why did I let you go?

Today I need to get some big things done- but I really need some down time. Just a couple hours of nothing to do- no phone calls- no kids talking to me- no commitments.

I am realizing that if I want to have BALANCE in my life I need to CREATE it.

So along with my 07 word BALANCE- which I cannot let go of- my companion word for 08 is

CREATE.

CREATE- I want to CREATE more BALANCE.

CREATE peace.

CREATE opportunities for what's really important.

CREATE happiness.

CREATE lovely things with my sewing machine- (that quilt on my list.)

CREATE time to take care myself.

CREATE memories with my family.

CREATE love.

CREATE the life I want & am meant to live.

*do you have a word for the year?

*do you get bogged down, over scheduled, & so busy that you start to forget things?

*do you let life just happen or do you CREATE it?

Really hard day. Shouldn't have been- just was. My head is pounding. I have too much on my plate. I'm way off balance. I sat down tonight & thought gee I haven't blogged for days... yesterday feels like a week away.

I'm way off balance.

CREATE. BALANCE.
(my new chant)

CREATE. BALANCE.

hummmmmm

*It doesn't help that the missionary didn't email. He wrote to his dad only. Missing him.

*Wishing Trent didn't have problems - embarrassed he told his cub leader her (very cool) activity was boring then walked part way home- just to be caught - & marched back in - then made to apologize while bawling like a big baby.

*is it possible my #5 really needed to go to Jr. High orientation today? Jr. high cheerleaders, orchestra, & jazz band= major annoyance & heartache for another child to turn teen.

*bathrooms still dirty, budget is dry, dinner forgotten while homework struggled on.

* two meetings down one more on Friday.

*working tomorrow

I'm tired.

SPT- New You Resolution

Well- this is it.

I'm going to do it... I can't believe I'm going to do it...

Here they are, my very well thought out- New Me Resolutions

1. READ my scriptures & PRAY everyday.

2. WALK at least 30 minutes - at least 5 days a week.

3. CREATE something everyday.

4. Take better CARE of me everyday!

My word for last year was BALANCE.

I got married when I was 18 (almost 19). Had my first baby at 20- second at 21. By 32 I had all of my six beautiful children- and I meant to. Every single one of them . I did it. We did it. It was my goal, my dream to be a mother of a large family & I have LOVED (almost) every minute of it. Statistically I feel like a miracle- I'm still in love with my husband- and I have great kids- so far... Don't get me wrong I know it's not over, I know I have just begun in many ways to live the life I have chosen for myself. But- through it all - somehow I lost a part of me. I lost myself in my husband & children. I would do it all over again, over & over... but now I don't know how to take care of me. In the past two years my oldest left for college, my youngest went to school, & my son left on a mission. In that time I have gained almost 40 lbs. My world completely changed. I have felt totally out of balance. I think I forgot- what makes mom happy?

What do I do now?

2007 was a very hard year for me for many reasons- but 2008- this is my year.

I want to be healthy & I want to be productive. I want to be happy. My love language is acts of service so I love to take care of others & I intend to do a lot of that - but now I am going to really try to take care of me too.

This past week I have been doing all of my goals

I wanted to give them a trial run before I committed myself here in the blogasphere, and I am so happy to say I did it!! I did them all.

I am excited for this year-

I am excited to read, pray, move, create, & take care.

I am happy- right now I have- BALANCE.

Now if I could only get rid of the dark circles under my eyes everything would be wonderful!

*are you going to/did you wait until 40 to learn to take care of you?
*are you laughing at my feet?- I know they are funny- my family is shocked I'm sure that I put them on my blog- but hey- I painted my toenails today!

Deep Thoughts For a Tuesday Evening

Today was a great day.

I got all of my Fall decorations up!

I was a tad bit over committed, but I got a lot done... (and even dinner on the table at 6:00 - woo hoo.) I am trying not to use the word busy anymore. I find myself saying I am "busy" a lot. I realize it sounds negative & it's my own fault that I am so busy- thus I am trying not to complain or be negative about it anymore.

Being inspired by my new blogging friends Jill & Kristi, I have been thinking for weeks about giving myself a word for the year. I thought I would wait for 2008- then I thought -heck I need to focus on this word NOW. So for the rest of 2007 my word is...

BALANCE

It's funny but since all of my kids have been in school I have had a hard time balancing all the many things I need & want to do. I know it comes down to prioritizing, but it is more than that for me. I want to have balance in my life.

Balancing my time for what really matters - something I am now working on.

There are so many good things that keep me busy (there I go using that word) but am I achieving the right balance in my life?

On a lighter note...

Last night Megan & Tony came home for dinner & FHE. Megan requested we play the now famous Don't Eat Pete, so the artist Chloe made this don't eat pete board on our dry erase board.
I think it is so cute.

This was my favorite picture. Don't you love the "Y" t- shirt? (an absolute staple in Jack's wardrobe)


*Do you have a "word" for the year?
*Do you overschedule yourself with too many good things, etc.?

It's A New Day

After a great Christmas break I am putting my necklace back on & getting back to my quest for BALANCE. Today I am trying to balance these things.

1. laundry

2. package off to the missionary

3. working a luncheon

4. clean up from all the fun!?

5. family dinner

6. scripture study

7. walking on the treadmill

8. chloe home with a stomach ache

9. eating healthy before my body gives up on me for good!

life

I was doing so good- but that's all over. I didn't go to WW this morning, didn't even pretend I was going to go... I am just burned out. I think in the last two days I have eaten anything & everything that has been in front of my face & now I want to puke. Why is this so hard for me? Maybe with the wedding over & every other busy thing winding down I just need a release? I don't know, but I do know I am out of control.

Also, I am sick, sick, sick of being busy. REally this is a life changing for me. I don't want to do it anymore. I am tired of it. I just want to create something & go to lunch with friends (there's that eating issue again.) I guess I am way out of balance. I am even thinking maybe balance is just too strong of a word. I bought a new necklace for 2008 that says CREATE on it... but stopped wearing it out of pure frustration. maybe I should buy another new one that says... sleeping in. Ya that's what I want. My new phrase is SLEEPING IN & NO COMMITMENTS. That is after the... benefit concert & concessions, council PTA, teacher appreciation booklet, decorations for 6th grade graduation, other teacher gifts, field day face painting, getting the missionary newsletter started, primary music- father's day songs, potluck for brett on friday, work on friday....... I'm doomed.

Great Night

brett & patsy - seattle skyline july 2007

Last night Brett & I went to a see Dan In Real Life then to dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurants Rio Grande downtown.

It was just what I needed. It was so much fun. The movie was great, the food- always fantastic, and the company my ultimate favorite. Years ago at a church activity I was sitting eating dinner with a bunch of ladies and we were all talking about our husbands. One of the women commented on her husband and her recent pregnancy - it was not complimentary. I told a story about how wonderful my husband was during all of my pregnancies etc. She then said - I know whose husband I will try to steal if I ever get divorced.

I was stunned, shocked, but mostly silenced. Ever since that day I think twice when bragging about what a wonderful man I am married to. No, I don't think he would leave me or cheat or whatever. I was just put in my place. So I don't do that anymore, brag about him to insignificant people in my life- just to family like my kids, mother in law, and especially him.

Last night I was reminded of how much I love him. How much we love to be together. Why we started a life & family together in the first place. I love all of my children but in my quest for balance I don't want the part of my life that includes him to be out of balance. My children will grow up and leave me. That is what I ultimately want, for them to be happy. My husband- he and I - that is what I am thankful for today.

a cute picture... and a concern

I am adding this picture because this is my blog & i can.

Every time my blog pops up & there is a picture of Charlie... smiles.

So- the concern is a couple of weeks ago I heard a talk by Sister Beck, whom I love & adore & her talks always inspire me...

except

this time something she said stuck with me. Like a poppy seed in between my front teeth- bothersome. She commented ( I don't have a direct quote, which I realize is dangerous) that women shouldn't be occupied going to lunch with friends & spending their time working on hobbies.

I completely agree with that to an extend- except, HELLO- who do you know who is going to lunch with friends & having a ball with her hobbies all the time???

REally, I feel like I & every other woman I know are doing the best they can- I have my creative day once a week & it saves me from going insane. All my kids are in school now, I am home when the leave, home when they get home- I keep my home reasonably clean.

Why is this bugging me?

I felt like I was personally being criticized.

I mentioned this to Brett (a week later.) He said he was waiting for me to bring that up. Interesting-- how well he knows me.

Am I being too sensitive?

Was she talkin' to me?

Were you at women's conference- I know she gave part of this talk there.

did I get it wrong?

*I'm really glad I asked this question...

yes- I know you guys are right- it's about balance.

It's hard to listen & hear while sitting with the family, even though I am glad they were there- (I'm just talking distraction here)- balance I'm sure is what she is talking about.

thanks for the input

Yesterday this good lookin' stud & I went to watch rugby jack.

Isn't he cute?!!

He always looks so cute on saturdays with his holey jeans & bbcap.

I just look like one of those frumpy, lipless, mom's who has lost all desire to live.

I have no sense of style...

Oh how I wish I had one!

-I just don't-

There was this really cute mom there with cute jeans & darling mary jane shoes on. I just kept staring at her. I'm sure she thought I was a nutso out of my mind. I was studying her clothes, thinking-- how did she do that?

It was Super Windy & sunny & I had to use my Sunset magazine to keep the sun & wind out of my face. I forgot to mention the other day that I get Sunset magazine. It's okay. The publishers of Cottage LIving are sending it to me since they have been discontinued! I am so sad about this. I read it faithfully from cover to cover. It was my very favorite magazine of all time!! If I would've known I would've saved all my past issues. I was trying to be good, get junk out of the house, recycle- dang it!!!

I am in mourning still....

Trent & his asperger friend were playing in the park behind me. I have said this before- when those two get together They SAy the FuNNIEst things!!

NOw of course, I can't remember them exactly- but one of them had to go to the bathroom, the bathrooms were locked, we ended up running to mcdonalds & I got the play by play on how it all came out- if you know what I mean- over & over.

We don't talk about these things unless we really need to- or if we want to explain the whole drama to dad who missed the whole story- we repeat it- that way dad knows what mom had to go through on the way back to the rugby field.

rugby jack's team won by a whopping 60 something to 9.

I think. I was watching intently. REally I was! When jack got taken down by the neck, I gasped, then just decided not to watch as intently. Maybe what I don't know won't kill me? It was a really good game. No injuries. We won.

He's got a good team this year.

They mixed with another high school in the area so now he's not the team captain & doesn't start every game- so that's a bummer. But it's a decent team & they are making a good showing.


(the stud & his boy)
I have been so inspired lately by
V & Company
I found her great blog last week & I keep going back.



I decided to get out some material & make a quilt.
I have been working on it a little this week then I got CRazy & couldn't stop working on it Friday night & Saturday. I pretty much didn't get my chores done & now Sunday is not set up like it should be..... I love sewing love it- but I LOSE what little mind I have whenever I start a project like this. I just can't stop. If I stop- it won't get done- I think?! Balance- where are you?

But- look how great it is turning out to be!

The sashing is a little wider than I wanted it to be...

My sewing/laundry room is completely trashed now. It just never ends. I am hoping to get the quilt done tomorrow & take it to my friend who is a quilter. I cannot wait until it is ready to be bound!

I am wrapping this up to put in the mail tomorrow!

Today at church it was a missionary farewell. (sniff sniff)- this missionary is going to Mozambique. Oh I am so grateful, for my baby being in Chile. I thought Chile sounded far away?

It was a great meeting- I can't really sum it up- just really good

All in All- it's been a crafty, sewing kind of weekend, mixed with some rugby, dishes, grocery shopping, ballet carpool & cooking.

I am putting one of my all time favorite desserts on

blogger mom's cook tonight-

check it out later :)

jr. high here she comes!

Can you believe this?

#5 - almost off to jr. high- wow- when did that happen?

My neighbor told me today that the head ache I'm having could be because I'm in my 40's now... "my hormones are probably out of balance due to my aging"- maybe I need estrogen?

gee thanks

In March

I added bunting to the play area...

Peter had his new born photo shoot-

I am absolutely in love with this boy!

He is a sweet as he is handsome.

We celebrated at our annual R.S. Birthday dinner!

 Jack turned 23!!!

I printed out his mission emails that he wrote home & put them in a binder for him.

The twins have Jack's EXACT same hair color!

We are in love with it-

 Chloe asked a friend to Morp-

and got her reply.

Fun times

and just for fun I put in this picture of a raspberry tart I made sometime in the month of March.

I am not journaling about all the healing going on in this house.

How do you take a picture of mental illness/wellness?

But- this winter we are all getting better & healing. It's been a long, hard road.

In March we were still seeing doctors & therapists & taking lots of meds- not just Chloe- exercising & learning to balance & make baby steps....

it's all a lot of work actually. But it is working & that is what's important.

This life- it's such a privilege but some parts are harder than others.

Randomalicious

Yesterday Wende & I took Kristy out to lunch for her birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISTY. Wow that was fun- we need to do that again soon. Three bloggers eating lunch-- since my other friends don't blog we had so much to talk about that I could hardly chew my food- blah, blah, blah, blah, blah- I talk too much for sure. This picture is me trying not to have a double chin & we were outside so you know I had to have the sun glasses. I've decided I don't like being in the middle. Aren't these two cute!!
Afternoon-- like mother like blogger. Some of you may not know that Hailey here reads all of the blogs listed on my sidebar & more. She loves all of you.

Now to the disaster I made...
Brett is here -(it is so cold outside- I pray he comes home alive), everyone else is busy... even Trent has a friend over so I started to take my laundry/sewing room apart & organize it ONCE & FOR ALL. I can't stand it in there anymore. I tried to start sewing a project. But heck, I can't find anything. I was so frustrated I just decided...THIS IS IT- IN MY QUEST FOR BALANCE I HAVE TO MAKE A CHANGE HERE.
These are some pictures part way into the process- so they look extra messy.

(I made the pictures small as not to burn your eyeballs)

What a disaster.

Now that I have officially blogged about the disorganization that has become my life-

I am committed to change it!

Stay tuned to see the AFTER shots.

*is there a space/room in your house you have just let go?

is it already december?

1. brian is home and
2. having a really difficult time transitioning to non missionary...
3. it's tough- he's crazy bored - his friends are gone or busy
3. so he has me-
4. poor kid.
5. he has decided to definitely move out in January for school and hopefully a job
6. just as jack moves home.
7. Last week we found out that Hailey made the H.S. Musical!!!!
8. cats
9. I'm not joking
10. A promise of no spandex has been made.
11. I am so excited for her!!!!
12. I feel like it's time for spring cleaning
13. which is not good when it's time to get out a load of Christmas decorations aka: mostly junk
14. I scrubbed every inch of the downstairs bathroom yesterday
15. and the kids upstairs bathroom today
16. along with working on some Christmas gifts that
17. will never be finished.... but are going to be so pretty.
18. I've decided I am a crappy house keeper-
19. I hate that about myself.
20. is there a balance? without paying for help? how do you do it? I just can't seem to keep up.
21. I feel like I was being selfish wishing brian home
22. He is miserable-
23. I feel bad for him...
24. I wish megan was here
25. I don't know what to do for him
26. I do know that I've been sleeping like a baby
27. and could have sleep for days last week.
28. completely- emotionally- spent
29. relief-
30. didn't last long
31. I'm tired. maybe I shouldn't have written this post tonight?

It's been a crazy week for me.

Crazy busy, loaded with things to get done.

I am feeling very discouraged, because the work... it just keeps coming.

Today I just couldn't/didn't want the day to start.

Sometimes it's just too much- too overwhelming- then I get up & get going.

I found these pictures while downloading Brian's camera photos.

All but the next one that is.

One fun thing from last week- (there were many)

Chloe & Caroline came home for lunch on Friday.

They are a delightful pair. I am so glad Chloe has Caroline in her life.

They are sweet friends but have lots of other friends too.

They are kindred spirits. I know they will always be friends.

Megan was here last Sunday for conference.

I am not sure what the heck this is... but I like it.

This must be from summer, since Bandos went home with

Grandma & Grandpa in August.

Brian & Jack miss him, but it was time for Bandos to go home.

We had him for almost a year. What fun for everyone.

Thanks G&G for loaning him out.

Well, it's another week & I am on my quest for BALANCE again.

I have to say that I do love my life. I feel very blessed.