Disclaimer:
There are random photos in this post that pretty much have nothing to do with the written word.
(Sunday morning blocks- made for Johnny to knock over.)
There have been a lot of changes in our home this past year.
Most good- Some hard.
Which is really how our lives are here at our house~ Mostly good & Sometimes hard.
Frankly, I think that's how life is for most people.
Anyhow-
The biggest change has been that last winter, Chloe was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome.
I know-
For me it was like getting sucker punched in the gut. I should have seen it. As much as she tried to hide it- there were signs & I just didn't see it. I was it complete shock. I told the doctor he was wrong. But he wasn't. I tried to put on a brave face when the specialist brought her back in the room (ticking for the first time in front of me) - I knew she had to be in so much pain emotional & physical pain. She didn't want us to know- didn't want us to have any more worry. She has the social awareness that Trent doesn't have- to know how to hide it & hold it in until she was alone. I wanted her to know it was okay, it was going to be okay. But inside I felt like my Heavenly Father had completely cursed us-- and it wasn't okay. I was mad. I was really mad. Why would this beautiful, kind girl need this?
NOT Fair- not right- not my daughter.
(Brittany's birthday cake from Sunday's birthday dinner- YUM-)
So- she has Tourette Syndrome.
She has a 98% chance of growing out of it by the age 19.
tender mercy
It's okay- It's really okay
It took me over a month to even get the words out of my mouth.
Even longer to talk about it with out completely breaking down & bawling my eyes out.
I won't go into what her ticks are like- they are there, not always but mostly at night & definitely during times of stress. We have learned so much about stress, anxiety & the mind. She started some therapy for her anxiety. She takes meds. She was scared & is not now. She still hides it mostly- but never in front of her close friends who know all about it & are a GREAT support. She doesn't have to hide it- she just chooses to most of the time & that's okay. She is amazing-
(I picked up a HUGE bag of Garrett's famous popcorn in the Chicago airport last August on my way home from Megan's house-- ya it was GOOD)
I've mentioned here before that her feet have been in a lot of pain- and that has made ballet difficult/nearly impossible. Her teacher (once a professional ballerina) told her she had the talent, the body, the flexibility- but not the feet. Then she said- she would not be able to dance much longer-- at least not with out a lot of misery. We went to a podiatrist... who confirmed that. She took loads of ibuprofen, danced, then iced & put her feet up- three days a week. She came close to having her arches fall completely several times.
She was bound & determined to keep dancing. Unfortunately the stress from the pain on her feet brought out the worst in ticking & it was hard- and scary. She went on meds to help with the severity of it & sometimes would fall at dance and even at school. We ended up in the ER at Primary Children's hospital after dance one night from such severe ticking - they thought she was having a stroke.
We talked about -- not dancing-- last spring. It has to be her decision. We talked about change-- maybe taking Karate (she has always wanted to) or running cross country?
Quitting-- That was NOT an option in her mind.
Chloe made it through the summer wearing, "old lady shoes," with almost no ticking & hardly any foot pain.
Here we are - it's Fall.
Ballet started in August. The Ibuprofen, swelling followed by icing, all started up again and- then school started. Nutcracker auditions were on September 5th & she got two parts on point. Waltz & Snow.
We were all ready to go-
when she decided it was time.
Time to move on.
Time to play football & start dating & do more art. Time to try running & maybe a part time job? Time to move on & even though ballet has been & will always be a great love.
It is time.
So- I called the ballet company & her part was given to another dancer- can you imagine her excitement!?
And that is that.
No more ballet.
I am relieved. I am so happy she is not in pain & frankly I'm not bothered one bit by the fact I am not driving to the ballet studio 3-5 times a week. I am amazed at the courage & strength of my children. They have been an example to me- everyone of them.
(Megan & Tony with the boys at the jump ZOne this past weekend)
So there you have it.
After 13 years of ballet it is time for a change.
***
You can learn more about Tourette Syndrome here:
7 comments:
Great post. Love Chloe & You!
Oh my goodness. What a great post. What an incredible young woman with such talent and character. What a lucky family to have her and what a lucky girl to have her family.
Chloe, thanks for teaching us about change and how to make the very most of it and how to take a weakness and make it a strength.
Chloe and Patsy, thanks for sharing this and helping us to learn and be encouraged in challenges, too.
I am so impressed with Chloe's courage both in making this decision and in allowing you to share it. As you know, Blair made a similar decision also because of her feet. She has actually started doing ballroom dance at the local Jr. College and is loving that (with no pain.)
P.S. I also need to apologize to you. I just found the thank you note that I wrote to you but managed to misplace (along with some medical bills) instead of mailing. That was such a nice gift you send and really not necessary. We love Chloe and loved having her visit. I hope you know she is welcome with us any time.
I can totally understand why you felt mad about this at first. You guys have had so much to deal with!
I am seriously impressed with Chloe and the grace with which she has handled both of these challenges. Leaving ballet behind must have been so difficult! What a strong, beautiful young woman.
Tough stuff. God can take it though. I believe he wants us to be open and raw with him. You guys have so much on your plates. Wonderful that there is still joy growing around the pain. I love even more a picture you posted before of her smiling super big after the powder puff game.
Hello,
I am in Beth Dayley's ward and love following your blog thru hers and wanted to comment so many time but haven't. You and your family are such an inspiration for me - thank you for sharing and letting me read about you and your family. Your daughter Chloe is so brave and so beautiful and my hats off to her. The fight you have daily with your youngest son and his health problems and now Chloe is so inspiring and such an example to me. Thank you for your continue faith and strength.
Emily S.
You know I have been blog stocking you for a while now. I was so scared to send you that letter because I had no idea how you would receive it but I also knew I had to do it and wanted to reach out to you.
I am so impressed with Chloe. My daughter had to give up ballet for several years because of her feet and she had only been dancing for 3 years. It was so hard for her and she had such a hard time with it. I can't even imagine how Chloe must have felt but is shows her maturity and character with the choice she made. I truly hope she discovers something new that she will love just as much. I am so glad she has real friends she can be herself with! What a blessing.
Thank you for sharing your trials and hardships with us. It really does help me have the courage to keep going through mine. One day I will write about mine. You have given me the courage to. Life is so hard, harder than I ever thought and I am grateful for wonderful examples of faith and strength!
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