a birthday post-

Last week was my 47th birthday!

I hate to be all downer about it....

but I am kind of a big fat baby when it comes to my birthday.

I anticipate it for at least a week, usually longer.

 I get all weepy & start feeling sorry for myself. 

Next- I wonder why I am alive in the first place & if anyone loves me or ever has?

I imagine the worst possible thing happening... nobody remembering me.

 I contemplate it for days & wonder if I should go away on a trip so I won't be so disappointed and

 regret all of my life choices thus far.... 

I really do all of this.

every. year.

I feel so bad for my sweet husband.

 He has to live through this year- after year- after year.

It's ridiculous- I'm not proud- It's ugly- I'm starting therapy next month

(just keepin' it real.)

Maybe by now you have guessed that I have had a few rough birthdays?

WELL NOt This YEAR BabY!

Balloons on my mailbox- who did that?

 I want to kiss your face.

 I cried.

My mom called me first thing in the morning & let me pick out two books on Amazon that she sent out that day. I love them- they are here. Thanks mom. I love that you did that.

Karen & I went to lunch- I picked this place & it was wonderful & I love Karen.

 Thank you so much!

I came home to a present in the mail!

 Jill- you amaze me with your thoughtfulness & creativity!

Thank you!

Lisa left this on my doorstep & she didn't even have to do that?!

The "blogger moms" are having a real birthday party for me this week-

 lots of them were out of town last week.

Then- I was so lucky to get to meet up with ALL OF THESE CUTIES for a dinner I didn't even make!

I LOVED MY BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR

Pre-dinner show of cuteness brought to you by:

Joey & Finn above- Charlie & Crew below

Peter was just plain cute. period.

We ate at probably my favorite place to eat downtown.

Did I mention it was such a great day?

 I even had help blowing out the candle on my dessert!

After dinner the kids & Brett were so great to give me all of these thoughtful gifts.

Tears, more tears-- such very thoughtful gifts- really.

The kids made a list of 47 things they love about mom...

 I read it out loud. 

Brett made me a list of the: Top Ten Reasons He is Glad He Married me

The kids read them out loud.

And I needed it.

I really did.

It's been a hard year of doubt, worry, weight gain, wondering if it is all my fault, asking myself over & over & over if I was good enough? If any of my life was good enough? 

I don't write this for you to feel sad for me or even to prove that I'm a brat

 - because really my life is awesome-

 or for people to leave comments.

I just want anyone out there who is reading (especially my future self & children) that

 sometimes life is just hard like that.

 And- sometimes it stays hard for a good long while,

 so you press on, and on, then wonder if it's worth it? 

And the answer is:

YES

It is worth it

I am worth it and so are YOU.

Independence Day 2014

This year the 4th of July was so much fun!

I realized afterward.... 

I didn't get good pictures- I think because I was having fun with the kids? At least that's my excuse.

Let's just start off by saying... 

it was HOT.

so hot

The hottest day of the year so far- of course. I mean it was the 4th of July!?

On the 3rd- we met up for our traditional picnic & concert at the park, then fireworks.

The last two years it's been so hot we have opted to stay home to eat in the backyard since we have so many darling kiddos around now. In fact- this was the first year in 7 full years- that all of our kids were home for the 4th. We also had Brittany, Aimee & Sean & their kids, & Wende, Allie & Ethan. What fun!

One of my favorite things from being a kid was lighting these "snakes." 

I put together bags for all of the kids full of bubbles & candy & pop its, etc-

plus got them each a box of snakes.

Jack & Sean helped us light them off & they loved them!

We had lots of snakes-

It was so fun to see the kids excitement as the lit & grew-

Finn & Crew were too little to appreciate the snakes- but they have discovered watermelon. 

Finn here was covered in it & they needed a bath.

We headed to the park to listen to the concert & watch fireworks.

Megan snagged this great parking spot!

It was perfect because it was between two cars - the park was packed- so it was kind of a natural holding place for the kids, we all had a great view for the fireworks and didn't have to worry so much about anyone running off.

For most of these kiddos - it was their first year staying up late enough to see the fireworks!

Big Time Excitement

It was hot & humid -

so Brett (being a genius) went home, pulled a box of otter pops out of the freezer & brought them over.

 I don't think an otter pop ever tasted so good?

 The next morning we were up bright & early enough to sweat it out at our small town parade.

The next morning we were up bright & early enough to sweat it out at our small town parade.

The kids were loving the candy being thrown out- especially Lola.

But Joey- he wouldn't have any part of the salt water taffy- he is way too smart for that.

He was totally snubbing it. Someone came through handing out chocolates & he lit right up.

 Loved the chocolate- didn't want the taffy. Ha- he just cracks me up!

Joey saw spider man & was thrilled.

Brett ran him over & he got to hug him- but I didn't get my camera out in time!

Poor Peter was sleeping away until a piece of taffy hit him smack in the head-

Of course he's an absolute doll & handled it just fine.

Finn wanted to be in the parade--

(crew left- finn right)

Besides all being together, my favorite part of the parade this year was watching Lola get excited about the candy & Cole hugging all the characters who walked by. It was the. cutest. thing. ever.

We came home & cooled off in the kiddie pool.

It is so great to watch my Charlie growing up-

he is so big now. I just can't believe how fast he is growing. He is going to be 5 this fall.

He is such a great kid- Megan & Tony are wonderful parents, which makes it a pleasure to be a grandparent.

 These two monkeys have pretty cool parents too-

We spent the day recovering from the heat & eating leftovers from the night before. As it got dark it was strange that just Brett, Trent & I were home alone. 

It was a good opportunity for us to let Trent be in charge of the fireworks that we had bought. It was also a lesson in patience.... Trent would light a match while standing up, then slowly bend down to light a firework. The match would go out- then he would start again. Brett kept trying to teach him how to do it - it was almost funny. It took about 10 matches per firework.

 Thankfully we had nothing going on so it was a great learning/practice time. 

Not having his older brothers there gave him the chance to be in charge. 

Plus the neighborhood was shooting off fireworks all around us.

Speaking of getting big & older...

Trent turns 15 next month! 

ah- it's a great life