Valentine's Day 2019

Today I found out the gender of my grandchild to be! YES a new baby is on the way- no details can be spilled at this moment-- except yes we will have our 9th grandchild this year.

It's FANTASTIC and we could not be happier! Honestly- I am just overwhelmed with joy about this new baby.

Then I lost my new prescription glasses somehow on the way home. 

@#*$(!+^!?#%!

I've back tracked all my steps- even to the post office and Walmart...

about my last post

I realize my last post could be offensive to some people- I have options- I have choices.

I am lucky- blessed - whatever you want to call it. I'm not complaining- just stating my experience. 

I will say that I have a lot of responsibility. Most I have never discussed on this format.

Of course, No one's life is what it seems on social media. 

I want to be better about that but I am still scared to be 100% truthful.

For Valentine's Day this Year 

Brett left this little note below on the kitchen counter for me to find in the morning.

AND

Brought home the box of Ruby Snap Cookies above - after work!

HE IS THE BEST

I love him...

and now I can't see without my glasses...

time passes so quickly

I am finding myself in this new stage of life, completely stunned.

How did this happen?

How did all my kids - all six of them- grow up so fast?

I remember all the older women at church, or even in the grocery store & neighborhood, telling me to enjoy my kids while they were little... but I could not imagine how right they were.

Being a stay at home mom has been all I've ever wanted to be. Now that stage of my life

is over.

I don't know what to do with myself.

After several years of financial difficulties- Brett being laid off twice- sigh-
I keep thinking I need to pick up a side job, or start teaching cooking lessons again- just start something to make up for what money we've lost. Who am I kidding? I can't make all that up? My head is full of negative- then positive- but mostly negative thoughts.

It's all so big and overwhelming.
What to do?

I'm now 51 1/2.... and I don't know what to be when I grow up! I mean I did- I did it- now what?

I started a Hosting Mission on Temple Square. This month marks my 1 year anniversary. It's a 2 year commitment. It's fun & I love being there.

I meet with a group of friends most Wednesdays for lunch & kind of a group therapy session. It's been my lifeline for the past 10+ years.

I have a volunteer job at church- I work with the young women in our congregation 12-18 year old. I love them & it's great.

But what else is there? What am I supposed to do? I LOVE AND ADORE my grandchildren I could hang out with them all day, but that's not it. They have lives, mothers who are more than capable. Trent needs my care a lot- but that is a whole other post (coming soon for sure.)

So- here I am-
Three years after I told my therapist I would start writing regularly on this blog. Trying to write so that I can figure myself out.

how about you- what do you ---- do?