a birthday post-

Last week was my 47th birthday!

I hate to be all downer about it....

but I am kind of a big fat baby when it comes to my birthday.

I anticipate it for at least a week, usually longer.

 I get all weepy & start feeling sorry for myself. 

Next- I wonder why I am alive in the first place & if anyone loves me or ever has?

I imagine the worst possible thing happening... nobody remembering me.

 I contemplate it for days & wonder if I should go away on a trip so I won't be so disappointed and

 regret all of my life choices thus far.... 

I really do all of this.

every. year.

I feel so bad for my sweet husband.

 He has to live through this year- after year- after year.

It's ridiculous- I'm not proud- It's ugly- I'm starting therapy next month

(just keepin' it real.)

Maybe by now you have guessed that I have had a few rough birthdays?

WELL NOt This YEAR BabY!

Balloons on my mailbox- who did that?

 I want to kiss your face.

 I cried.

My mom called me first thing in the morning & let me pick out two books on Amazon that she sent out that day. I love them- they are here. Thanks mom. I love that you did that.

Karen & I went to lunch- I picked this place & it was wonderful & I love Karen.

 Thank you so much!

I came home to a present in the mail!

 Jill- you amaze me with your thoughtfulness & creativity!

Thank you!

Lisa left this on my doorstep & she didn't even have to do that?!

The "blogger moms" are having a real birthday party for me this week-

 lots of them were out of town last week.

Then- I was so lucky to get to meet up with ALL OF THESE CUTIES for a dinner I didn't even make!

I LOVED MY BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR

Pre-dinner show of cuteness brought to you by:

Joey & Finn above- Charlie & Crew below

Peter was just plain cute. period.

We ate at probably my favorite place to eat downtown.

Did I mention it was such a great day?

 I even had help blowing out the candle on my dessert!

After dinner the kids & Brett were so great to give me all of these thoughtful gifts.

Tears, more tears-- such very thoughtful gifts- really.

The kids made a list of 47 things they love about mom...

 I read it out loud. 

Brett made me a list of the: Top Ten Reasons He is Glad He Married me

The kids read them out loud.

And I needed it.

I really did.

It's been a hard year of doubt, worry, weight gain, wondering if it is all my fault, asking myself over & over & over if I was good enough? If any of my life was good enough? 

I don't write this for you to feel sad for me or even to prove that I'm a brat

 - because really my life is awesome-

 or for people to leave comments.

I just want anyone out there who is reading (especially my future self & children) that

 sometimes life is just hard like that.

 And- sometimes it stays hard for a good long while,

 so you press on, and on, then wonder if it's worth it? 

And the answer is:

YES

It is worth it

I am worth it and so are YOU.

Catching up - what did we do this winter?

I'm so sad I have neglected this blog.

-So Sad-

This is my attempt to catch up

This past winter many wonderful things happen at our house. 

MANY- really A lot!

After our disastrous 2013-

 we are so happy to have a new year & it really,

 truly has been a year of many good things already.

I have continued to teach kids how to cook & I love it.

I'm taking the summer off.

(after realizing that Hailey & Chloe could & probably will be moved out by next summer!? What the? Home alone with Brett & Trent? How is this about to happen? PANIC!!)

In January we started out the semester with New Ideas for your Lunch Box!

Every couple of months we do another - Lunch Box class.

Lunches can get so boring, so quickly.

Hailey started her second class in ASL.

She is working towards being an interpreter & loving every minute.

She works- almost full time, teaches about 8 piano students & goes to school 2 nights a week. 

She is a huge help at home & doing well. 

She also plays the organ & accompanies many singers these days!

I taught the kids to make a variety of smoothies.

Big hit!

A rebellious Brett put up his yearly - wish it was summer tribute- in the front yard.

And-- unlike 2013...

We had teens in the house again! Friends. Healthy young adults.

Oh Heavenly Day.

This is a beautiful sight.

Trent & I do some cooking together too-

He LOVES to juice & make mac & cheese now.

With the cooking kids we made "Homemade Poptarts"

I LOVE THEM

and don't make them nearly enough- or is that... how it should be?

The biggest hit of the year in cooking class was by far:

Walking Tacos!

These kid crack me up.

A walking taco is all the typical taco fixings in a smashed lunch size (very small) bag of chips.

There is a lot of cooking skills that go into making a taco.

Browning Ground Turkey

Grating Cheese

Slicing Tomatoes

Cleaning & Chopping Lettuce.

I think the combination of the flavor & all the hands on made these so popular.

***

Being a Grandparent with all the new technology in the world is an absolute joy!

(Next post- lots more pictures of our new Grandson Peter who is an absolute doll!)

Chloe went to the Valentine Dance with her friend Tom.

It was some kind of super hero theme? 

And last but not least for February updates-

in cooking class

we learned how to pipe & frost sugar cookies with Royal Icing.

This is a very small part of what was going on this winter-

more updates to come.

Easter at the Messer's 2013

Easter has become my very favorite holiday...

For many, many reasons.

I am so thankful for the true meaning of Easter. 

I've heard it said - after you've lost someone you love- Easter becomes the most meaningful day of the year. Because of the great gift our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ has given us-- He Lives! 

We will live again & so will all those we love!

How beautiful - how wonderful!

Megan, bless her heart, sent us these darling pictures of the boys.

Oh I love them- the boys and the pictures.

Charlie is a sunbeam now!

He sang Easter Hosanna with the other children in the congregation, then returned to his seat & declared that he is "bigger now." Of course he is.

Our Easter table was a a pastel delight with some of my collection of bunnies & lots of goodies I have picked up from work. It is so fun to open up the storage box & find all the treasures I have forgotten about year after year.

On our Easter Menu:

Glazed Turkey Breast

Brown Sugar & Pineapple Roasted Spiral Sliced Ham

Green Bean Bake

  (my kids have to have it)

Scalloped Potatoes

Steamed Asparagus

Lemon Cheesecake with Strawberries

This potato dish is so incredible! I found it on printerest & I will be making them now every Easter for the rest of my life. No kidding - they were so good. Find the recipe here!

Somehow I missed myself & Laura in the photos.

We were there.

And Look Who Else Was There!!!!

Finn & Crew

The best part of Easter this year

was that Brian & Laura surprised me & brought the babies to our congregation for church. We all sat together & yes I was teary, but these were tears of Joy. I was overwhelmed- feeling so blessed after such a hard winter. It was an absolute joy having almost all our children at church with Brett & I. I don't think there is anything better than that! We have (Chloe & I) missed a lot of church- a lot, because she has been in the hospital or too fragile to go (doctor's orders.) It has been good to be home- she needed it- I needed it. She is coming to terms with her new life, we all are. A new life with the tourettes syndrome & the anxiety that comes with it. It's a good life, but it is different than it was before.

 It is not easy. I don't know how she does it?

I have spent a lot of Sundays in tears as I listen to my

 children tic while the rest of the congregation sits silently.

I hate it.

I hate it.

I hate it.

I hate that it is so public & that they have to have this at all!

But it is what it is & we are moving forward & I am happy to be here. 

Happy that it is not worse- it can always be worse.

Happy to have my trials- they are mine. I don't want them, but I don't want to trade.

This is all I am going to say about that.

I haven't made a cheesecake in years!

I am out of practice....

but it was delicious! 

Thank you Jenny Steffens Hobick for your delightful blog!

After dinner we dyed eggs

SO FUN!

Brittany & Jack 

made these two above!

HA-- Love them.

Chloe did this one- Oh I love them.

Happy Easter