Valentine's Day 2019

Today I found out the gender of my grandchild to be! YES a new baby is on the way- no details can be spilled at this moment-- except yes we will have our 9th grandchild this year.

It's FANTASTIC and we could not be happier! Honestly- I am just overwhelmed with joy about this new baby.

Then I lost my new prescription glasses somehow on the way home. 

@#*$(!+^!?#%!

I've back tracked all my steps- even to the post office and Walmart...

about my last post

I realize my last post could be offensive to some people- I have options- I have choices.

I am lucky- blessed - whatever you want to call it. I'm not complaining- just stating my experience. 

I will say that I have a lot of responsibility. Most I have never discussed on this format.

Of course, No one's life is what it seems on social media. 

I want to be better about that but I am still scared to be 100% truthful.

For Valentine's Day this Year 

Brett left this little note below on the kitchen counter for me to find in the morning.

AND

Brought home the box of Ruby Snap Cookies above - after work!

HE IS THE BEST

I love him...

and now I can't see without my glasses...

time passes so quickly

I am finding myself in this new stage of life, completely stunned.

How did this happen?

How did all my kids - all six of them- grow up so fast?

I remember all the older women at church, or even in the grocery store & neighborhood, telling me to enjoy my kids while they were little... but I could not imagine how right they were.

Being a stay at home mom has been all I've ever wanted to be. Now that stage of my life

is over.

I don't know what to do with myself.

After several years of financial difficulties- Brett being laid off twice- sigh-
I keep thinking I need to pick up a side job, or start teaching cooking lessons again- just start something to make up for what money we've lost. Who am I kidding? I can't make all that up? My head is full of negative- then positive- but mostly negative thoughts.

It's all so big and overwhelming.
What to do?

I'm now 51 1/2.... and I don't know what to be when I grow up! I mean I did- I did it- now what?

I started a Hosting Mission on Temple Square. This month marks my 1 year anniversary. It's a 2 year commitment. It's fun & I love being there.

I meet with a group of friends most Wednesdays for lunch & kind of a group therapy session. It's been my lifeline for the past 10+ years.

I have a volunteer job at church- I work with the young women in our congregation 12-18 year old. I love them & it's great.

But what else is there? What am I supposed to do? I LOVE AND ADORE my grandchildren I could hang out with them all day, but that's not it. They have lives, mothers who are more than capable. Trent needs my care a lot- but that is a whole other post (coming soon for sure.)

So- here I am-
Three years after I told my therapist I would start writing regularly on this blog. Trying to write so that I can figure myself out.

how about you- what do you ---- do?

graham

catching up 

AND

introducing

GRANDSON #7

YOU KNOW HOW WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG... and you are not sure how you can have more love in your heart for a second child, then third & so on????

I LITERALLY

 NEVER

feel this way - ever- with grand children! 

Right?! It's the best thing that has ever happened to me in my WHOLE LIFE

GRAHAM TYSON 

born in April 

all healthy & happy

to Hailey & Tyson

He----- IS AN ABSOLUTE DREAM BOAT!

we are absolutely in love with him AND his darling name

we called him

Graham

Graham Cracker

Gramalama Ding Dong

it's the best.

 He is such a good baby!

Like- so good.

eats & sleeps

and is growing like a weed.

The only problem is he doesn't live here in our house.

I miss him and want to see him every day.

summer time indie

nearly 18 months ago....

the most wonderful thing happened in our family

Indie was born!

She is the little red headed grand daughter I have always hoped for.

Truly she is something amazing.

Indie is very petite like her dad was at this age... maybe her mom was too?

She is a bit feisty

She doesn't eat very much and isn't interested in food.

She doesn't want to miss anything by going to bed/sleeping at night.

She is already talking.....

she is her father's daughter!

I honestly wouldn't want it any other way.

I will be talking about this little girl for the rest of my life. 

I completely adore her.

new year

Does the beginning of a new school year feel like a new start to you? It really does to me & I love it. This school year I have two children in school--- not the typical school but still--- school.

FIRST - Jack
Jack is 27 & is in his second year at the University of Virginia Law School. He started this past Wednesday & says he can already tell that the second year is going to be great! None of the 1L jitters or newness-- and he has his internship for the summer of 2019 already set up. Lots of stress off the shoulders for that.
He has applied for a chance to enter the Masters in History program which would be congruent with the law degree & he is hoping to hear if he got in by January. He has such a deep love of History & where else is better to learn History than UVA?! What an opportunity- I'm hoping he gets accepted.

SECOND- Trent
Trent is 19 & although he "walked" at his High School graduation - he did not receive his diploma. This was on purpose, because he qualified for a wonderful opportunity in our school district for special ed. students. He will be going to school (on the bus- which picks him up AND drops him off in front of our house each day!) five days a week. Three days a week he goes into the community & learns life skills- Two days a week he is in class type instruction where he also learns practical life skills. This program is set up so that each individual student has an individual plan. They are in groups of 10 with one teacher & one aid. This is a fantastic opportunity for Trent and he LOVES it, especially the bus.

I have had a couple people ask me- what i do all day? HAHAHAHAHAHA oh i love that question! Because really? What would there be to do?

So- some goals for me:

1. I am working on my YW Medallion  I earned mine when i was 17, but this one is a little different so I want to earn it before the program changes in 2020
2. Blogging twice a week at least
3. I volunteer as a Hosting Missionary at the RSB on Fridays
4. YW calling
5. Starting a new scripture study program. More on that later---

........ and you know-- the same things everyone does everyday!

I want to blog- but lately it's just been too painful. Actually there have been many, many painful situations that have taken me away from here. BUT- there is also good things! Lots & lots of good things.

I will name a few of the good things today:

1. Brett got a new job! He started yesterday. He has been laid off for nearly a year. It's been rough- yet there have been so many miracles (small & large) along the way.

2. Trent is getting ready to graduate from High School. He will walk with all the other students, but not getting his diploma until he finishes half to a full year at another program for students with disabilities. That program will start in the fall with the rest of our school district. We are thrilled & excited he will get to be in this program- there are many, many benefits to it. Such as, a mock apartment & learning how to take care of it, learning to ride the bus & other public transportation. Basically- all the things we all needed to learn in high school, and didn't want to learn from our parents.

3. Most importantly - since I last posted we have been blessed with 2 new grandchildren!
Our first grand daughter, Indie Jane came a full year ago & she is absolutely a delight.
Then, Graham our seventh grandson was born nearly six weeks ago! He is pure joy & fresh from heaven.

 Real life is mostly Real Hard- sprinkled with moments of beauty & bliss. 

hailey gets married- personal photos

Last summer 

(almost a whole year ago now?!)

Our Hailey got married!

(Tyson & Hailey engagement photo)

I have to say-

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF OUR KIDS HAS MARRIED SO WELL!

I honestly love each one of them. It's so scary & interesting really, to see who your children choose as a mate for life.
We are thrilled.

We held the wedding ceremony & reception in my dear friend's backyard, same yard as a year earlier where Chloe's wedding reception was held. This is a before picture. It's the perfect yard for a summer wedding. Absolutely dreamy & all shaded. It was a perfect venue & we feel so indebted to Kristal & Jeremy for allowing us to do this and TWICE! 

(another engagement photo)

This is the wedding cake - in the freezer before setting it up and delivering it. I think it's the only snapshot we got- I am so proud of myself because I made it!

It was a white cake with chocolate mousse filling and cream cheese frosting.

To beat the heat we had a late ceremony & reception.

It was too late for dinner so we served lovely - actually an amazing- assortment of appetizers. 

For the reception we served an assortment of cookies & bottles of soda.

Plus- the wedding cake. 

Tyson & Hailey August 27, 2016

I will post some of the professional pictures soon.

It was the perfect day for these two & I can't believe my friends and I pulled off another amazing wedding. Seriously- we've thought about going into business! (not really)

It's been nearly a year & Hailey is working as an ABA Therapist and Tyson has landed his dream job. He is a police officer in their town. 

Are they adorable or what?!

our henry

Henry

 Born June 2017

 Last June 17th a very special young man came into our lives.

Megan & Tony asked me to go to their home & watch Charlie, Joey & Peter while he was being born. It was so fun!

We played 

a lot

and we hung out at McDonald's Play land- with ice cream.

We made Fourth of July T-shirts 

then...

When we got the call-- we speedily made our way to the hospital.

 (Hours old Henry with 6 year old, big brother, Charlie)

 This newest & 6th Grandson is an absolute joy!

We celebrated his first birthday last weekend & frankly-- I can hardly believe it.

I never thought much about being a grandmother when I was young, or when I was a young mother. I didn't know my own grandmothers nearly at all. I am amazed by the new sense of responsibility and overwhelming love I feel for these precious children. I knew being a grandmother would be fun, but I didn't know how much love would be in every aspect.

 It's gigantic! It's all encompassing love. 

It's a more mature love than the love I felt as a young mother. I don't have the worry of being their parent, supporting them financially or being responsible for their every need.

(I realize that because my children are capable adults- and really, really good parents- I am blessed. )
-BUT-

I can see clearly, that it is my choice to be an influence for good in their lives and that's what I want to be. I want them to feel- only love- not the judgement or expectation I unwillingly put on my own children out of inexperience & unrealistic expectations. 

Being a grandparent has taught me already that I have a 3rd chance at childhood. Of course not as involved as my first two opportunities -- my own childhood, and the childhood of my children-- I just know that I don't want to waste it. Even though I typically see them once a week at the most- and not for a full 24 hours, it's important time. It's fleeting- it's going so very fast. 

I feel blessed- I feel lucky

writing is good for the soul

back to the blogging


Nearly 2 years ago now- I told my therapist that I would start writing. I promised her on our last appointment that I write here at least once a week. So here I am starting today 2 + years later! I'm considering this as a win. Better late than never. I know I have some raw issues to work through and frankly don't want to write that stuff here- so it's going to be a balancing act.

so here goes:

1. I will be 50 years old in 22 days.
2. I now have 6 Grandsons and 1 Granddaughters!
3. Being a Grandmother is one of the biggest surprises of my life- I knew it would be good/fun but I didn't know how much I would feel needed.
4. Having adult children is harder than I ever imagined, because I am a recovering control freak.
5. My youngest child (I have 6 children) turns 18 - 3 weeks after my 50th birthday. It's not a good combination.
6. I am struggling to figure out what my role in life is now after nearly working myself out of my preferred profession of being the control freak- mom.
7. I come to this blog every. single. day. and read the few bloggers out there that I have followed for years.
8. I miss some of my old favorites terribly.
9. Somehow - they feel like family to me.
10. I am sad at how much of my life is missing here- I have such a great history started- then blew it by not keeping up! dang it! I'm going to try to keep going & even catch up a little.

Chloe & Willy Get Married

8-15-2015

It was a wonderful day-

more to come

boys, boys, and more boys!

Confession:

I have thousands of pictures on my phone.

I won't delete them & you can't make me.

My husband thinks I'm crazy. 

I don't care.

Here are a few that I either took or one of the kids sent me of my darling Grandsons last year 2014. 

Peter

Crew with Uncle Jack

Charlie

 Megan's boys, Trent & I at the aquarium.

Babysitting the twins.

My boys after last year's Priesthood Session of General Conference.

Guess what?

This summer Trent is actually as tall as Brett!

One year and all that growth- that's one of the many reasons why I have so many photos.